dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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