Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize