I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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