i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
