but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
