i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
