Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize