so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
