My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
