I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
