I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
bring money and cleavage
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
