If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
