when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
