You really coming over, don't trick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
