My room smells like vodka and shame
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
