i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
