guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The adults are the big ones right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
