Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
where are you?
Hypothermia
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
