Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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