Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
