wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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