The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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