Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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