don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
