Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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