What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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