maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
false alarm, still single
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