Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
