we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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