we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
