So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
