i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
