You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
