I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
