nut hugger
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
