I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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