I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
