Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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