i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
