dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
