It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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