one two three fourrrrnication!
I cockslap morals
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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