"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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