I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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