He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
