just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
