Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
