took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
