at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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