It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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