Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
