If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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