I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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