what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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