Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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