dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My life is pants optional.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
