You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
