i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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