Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
