i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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